Medication should also display lots of spice, wood, vanilla and tannins that aren't real big, but will let this wine last a few years (thus the far-off expiration date). You should begin feeling better within a matter of minutes.

Repeat steps 1-3 until all six ounces are ingested, but be sure to wait long enough between repetitions to allow the finish (medical term for "aftertaste") to dissipate fully. This may take a while, as wonderful spicy flavors hang on for a long time.

Sharing medication of this sort is strongly encouraged.

TAKE WITH FOOD, FINISH ALL MEDICATION, DO NOT OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY.

If rash develops, discontinue use.

Cheers,
TSW, MD

* - Chimp Wine is a WoW designation signifying a no-brainer, must-buy wine (as in, "You'd have to be a chimp not to buy this wine.").

** - If the spelling of this wine (er… medication) confuses you, don't worry. You're not alone. This is the same varietal that the rest of the world spells "Petite Sirah." The WoW Pharmacy isn't sure why the manufacturer has spelled their version differently, but it's likely an anomaly unique to the medical world, not unlike how all doctors write in illegible handwriting. Plus, David Bruce makes a lot of great wine, and can do what he wants.

Thank you for visiting the Wilder on Wine Pharmacy. Please look over your prescription (below) before leaving so that we may answer any questions you have:

Name: Bruce, David
Medication: Petite Syrah**
Dosage: 1 to 2 glasses nightly as needed for pain caused by repetitive stress syndrome (more commonly known as "work")
Expiration Date: 2006
No. of refills: 13,824 cases

Directions:
Remove childproof cork from bottle and pour approx. six ounces of wine into large wine glass.

1) Examine the purple liquid, admiring the depth and concentration. Color should be opaque. If not, examine the front label to ensure that you indeed have the "Petite Syrah" and not the "Syrah."

2) Swirl the liquid in the glass, and breathe in with your nose at the rim of the glass. This is the aromatherapy aspect of your medication -- a critical step not to be overlooked in order to gain the full benefits of your prescription. (WoW firmly believes in mixing elements of holistic medicine with the administering of traditional pharmaceuticals.) You should smell peppery oak, blueberry, a little chocolate, vanilla and coffee.

3) Ingest the liquid careful to let it linger in the mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. This will help release the sweet blueberry and blackberry flavors.